Husband earning $200k insists wife's part time preschool job is not as important when their son isn't feeling well: 'She might make $150 a week'

A big income gap between partners does not give the higher earner the right to be dismissive.

Money is one of the most important topics in long-term relationships, and as a result, it is no surprise that it is often the source of arguments. In many cases, there is likely to be a partner who is a clear 'breadwinner', and that comes with a lot of responsibility—not least if they have dependents to pay for. It is a stressful role at a time when raising kids is more expensive than ever.

Still, just because somebody is the main earner in a family unit doesn't mean that the professional commitments of their partner are totally irrelevant. They could be the thing that pays some essential bills, or simply gives them more of a disposable income to enjoy. It can also give them a necessary sense of purpose outside the home, and it might even be an avenue to explore a true passion of theirs. Nobody likes to feel like something that forms an important part of their life is irrelevant just because it doesn't bring in as much money. Many people have a desire to work that transcends a need for income.

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  • A female preschool teacher smiles while sitting on the floor, holding a piece of cardboard with letters on it as children sit around her
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A female preschool teacher smiles while sitting on the floor, holding a piece of cardboard with letters on it as children sit around her

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • In this story, a man upset his wife with the suggestion that she should be the one to stay home from work with their son while he was sick. She had a part-time job at a preschool, and he worked full-time as the family's main breadwinner.

    She reasoned that, as she was taking time off in the next few weeks, she didn't want to miss another shift. From his perspective, he felt that his work had more important commitments that he didn't want to miss. She was upset that he had presumed she would take this responsibility, and he wasn't sure if he had approached the issue the wrong way.

     

  • Am I wrong for telling my wife her job isn't as important as mine?

    Throw away since my wife knows about my other account. My(33M) wife(30F) got mad at me today for telling her that if our kid is sick, she needs to be the one to stay home since her job is less important in our lives than mine.
    via [deleted]
  • So for a little back story. I don't want get to specific about what I do for a living but I make just over $200k a year.
    via [deleted]
  • My wife, who has been a stay at home mom/wife for the last 6 years, recently got a job working two days a week in the preschool our 3 year old goes to.
    via [deleted]
  • She might make $150 a week, I honestly don't know because her paycheck goes in a separate fun money account for her.
    via [deleted]
  • She only started working there because our son was having issues in school, and they needed an extra teacher so she thought would be a good idea for our son to have her close by and it has worked out great so far.
    via [deleted]
  • My paycheck pays all of the bills, she spends my/our money freely. So it's not like if she doesn't go to work she will miss out on anything she's trying to do.
    via [deleted]
  • Well our son seems like he's getting sick and one of us will have to stay home tomorrow if he is.
    via [deleted]
  • She said that because she has some trips planned in the next few weeks and is already taking off 3 or 4 days that she doesn't want to also take tomorrow off.
    via [deleted]
  • Tomorrow morning I have something I need to be at and I could call off sick, but it would affect a lot more people than just me.
    via [deleted]
  • Also, a majority of my pay is overtime, so even if I am on a paid sick day, it still affects my overtime pay, which 8 hours of missed overtime pay is more than her entire weeks pay.
    via [deleted]
  • So I told her that it was ridiculous to suggest I take the day off since her job doesn't even cover a single bill and if our kid is sick, her job comes second.
    via [deleted]
  • If I didn't have something to do in the morning, I would consider taking the day off but since there's a conflict, she needs to take off.
    via [deleted]
  • But now she's mad and went to target, I don't think I said it too harshly or it was my tone.
    via [deleted]
  • But I really do think it's ridiculous to suggest I stay home when my job is the primary source of our lives.
    via [deleted]
  • A man sits at a desk with his laptop in a home office, smiling as he takes a call on his cellphone
    via Vitaly Gariev

    A man sits at a desk with his laptop in a home office, smiling as he takes a call on his cellphone

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Particular_Agent171 YTA She needs to catch up and solidify a new work history. Yours is solid and less tenuous. She sacrificed her future employability to stay home with your child and raise them well. That work has real economic value for his future. You owe her. Stop valuing things in such simplistic terms, appreciate and return the support and benefit She has afforded you so far by performing the labour of child rearing on behalf of both of you. It is your turn to give back.
    via Particular_Agent171
  • Icnbh Original Poster's Reply She plans on being a stay at home wife/mom forever, she hates working. She just did it for our son. She's not doing this as a "stepping stone in her career"
    via [deleted]
  • restlessmonkey YTA. Support your wife. You are also more likely to have available vacation time. And it would never hurt you to spend time with your kiddo.
    via restlessmonkey
  • Icnbh Original Poster's Reply 1) he and I are hanging out going to lunch and the park all of the time. Not that there is such a thing as too much time with the kids, but I spend a lot of time with him. 2) support my wife? I do, by having a job that pays the bills and gives her the freedom to not have to work
    via [deleted]
  • TrippKatt3 I'm not saying you are TA, but there are much better ways of phrasing these things. I was 100 percent ready to jump in your having read you explanation, yes your job is more important, but you can't say to someone, no matter how part tie, low paying, or menial (not that pre school is menial) you cant say their job is not important. You also need to stop saying 'my/our" money, it's either yours and you are holding it over her head or it's ours and she can spend freely - as long as bill
    via TrippKatt3
  • Icnbh Original Poster's Reply Well I said my/our money because it's equally ours, but I differentiated that she has separate money from me which I don't care about. The only money being abused is her Amex with how much she swipes it lol
    via [deleted]
  • Ok_Distribution_2603 The facts may not be in dispute, but it's how (and how often) you say these things that matters.
    via Ok_Distribution_2603
  • Lithium1978 Id imagine that your wife knows this. My wife has been a SAHM for years and she started doing photography as a side hustle. Over the past couple of years there have been a handful of instances where she asked me to help her or watch the grand baby so she could work. I COULD push back and tell her that my job is more important, but it's critical to me to make sure she has some purpose beyond being a wife, mom, grandma. Life is short and work is work. I do my best to make sure everyone
    via Lithium1978
  • Tls-user Could you not have just told your wife you had an important meeting tomorrow and ask her nicely if she could stay home rather than belittle her job?
    via Tls-user
  • Jeffin Vancouver Yeah... there feels like there's more going on under the hood than you're presenting here.
    via JeffinVancouver
  • revocer YTA and NTA. NTA for the logic. YTA for the presentation and framing of it. Saying what your wife does is less important is a huge slap in the face. Everything she does is important, regardless of financial impact.
    via revocer

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